im so lost, so confused.
i dont know what to do.
i love you , i do .
but in this situation at the moment, i dont know what to do.
i miss you, did you know that?
i care for you, did you know that?
ive always believed,
a relationship can work, as long as there is some sort of communication.
for the past week or so, we've only talked for a little while,
and it just feels like i havent spoken to you for weeks.
right now, not being able to talk to you, it feels like something is slowly deteriorating.
right now, it feels as if, we've broken up.
it just feels like it, but,
youre out there, and im feeling so much pain right now, as if we really HAD broken up.
i keep crying, i keep thinking: am i doing something wrong.
what can i do now?
i dont wanna call cos i dont want you in trouble.
i have 3 different numbers that i can text you, and cos its a shared phone, all i can say is "pedarh?" but .. theres no reply to any of them.
and frankly, thats all i could really do.
i could just wait. but this pain will just grow.
the pain hurts more.
do you understand me? do you know what im going through right now ?
maybe youre going through the same thing. i dont even know.
i dont know what youre doing, i dont know hows life for you.
i dont blame you, i really dont cos its not your fault you dont have net.
its just, its just how im feeling right now.
its just what it feels like.
and well, i dont know how to fix it .
What are you doing?
How have you been?
Hope you've been enjoying,
been having fun.
cos well, i havent.
i am dying inside.
i've already been lectured about suicide, once again.
ive cried everyday.
you're still all i think about.
im scared of what will be.
i really need you here right now.
im eating less, i dont feel hungry.
and, i wanna lose weight, for you.
for the acceptance of your parents cos i know im not good enough for them,
for me, i guess.
i feel like hurting myself.
i have those many times when i just want to be left alone.
i dont wanna cause any drama, any attention to this, cos
i dont want anyone to worry about me.
i dont want you to worry about me, im not that important anyways.
GAHHH ><><
GAH.
the more reason to hate myself.

yea, i may hate myself.
but one thing i dont regret doing, is loving you.
yea, you are that special. <3