hurt.
Friday, April 16, 2010 @ 11:42 AM
Friday, April 16, 2010 @ 11:42 AM
" .. the one person I loved says she has never hated anyone as much as me and is glad i'm miserable .. " x/3
" .. If shit doesn't get any better...I really don't know anymore. Life is so unfair, how are some people happy and some never get an opportunity...I'm such a loser .. " x/3
" .. You see, you want the never ending pain to end. It's draining your energy,it's depressing you,you hate this feeling. You mistaken it for life .. What I mean is,calm down,breath a few times,and let the pain fade away. Even if it's just for a moment. It doesn't matter if you're thirteen,nine,twenty five,or fourty. I love you. I don't know who you are,or your name,but I do. I love you, because you have decided you don't want this. The never ending pain. (You're fucking awesome.) Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone in this seemingly cold,cruel world. " x3
" .. ppl around me think i have everthing going on, sum even go to the extent of extreme jealousy...but i feel, i am all alone. had a fe w BFs but the last one i was with, gave him everything...that i became so dependent on his love n approval...and just a few weeks ago, he said he hates me n doesnt care and love me anymore. i know this is a small deal for a lot of ppl, but to me, its a bog deal, because i was never accepted for who i really m....i never felt comfortable w any1, except for him.. and now, he says thinkg like he doesnt care or respect my feelings anymore, he wld rahter lie n spend time w friends than even c my msgs...i feel so lost in this world, i wish i cld take my life away (the only thing i have control off) but i can;t when i think of my mum, and bro and my dogs... i canl;t help falling into depression and crying each time i think abt how low i have gone...i hope i get tht strength to help me come out of these toughts.. " x/3
" .. Look at me, I'm fifteen years old, my life sucks.I have four sisters and a younger half brother. My father hates me because I don't take care of my health properly, and I'm not nice enough or smart enough or pretty enough or, whatever enough. My stepmother hates me because I'm not...whatever she is, the perfect stupid fucking turkish girl. My sisters hate me because I'm annoying and whiny and I complain, i guess, even though I try to be fucking nice and make so many like, sacrifices to do nice things for them. My one friend who I love would never love me back, because I'm fucking fat and stupid and I can't even date, and even if I could, I doubt he would ask, because he really doesnt like me like that. I know who he likes, and she is 1000000x better than me, in every way. I should die. I deserve to die. I made friends online playing games, because I'm a stupid loser-dork-face or whatever, but it made me happy for a while. Until my sister, who is an even bigger dork than me, god I hate her, started playing too. She literally took my friends away from me, and she made them like her better. They like her better, and I am just the annoying fifteen year old again. No one likes me. Seriously, I've come to that realization. No. One. Fucking. Likes. Me. I don't like me. SO what's left to do but die? Sorry I'm not under thirteen, but fuck, age is just a number, and I'm going to be dead anyway. " x/3
" .. I dont know im 18 im fat im ugly my boyfriend makes me feel like crap he saying he looks around because i am fat and i should lose weight to look my best for him, im stupid i cant do anything i used to be suicidal from age 11 to 15 i was ok then at 16 i got with him since now im ready to die i might really do it tomorrow my families out of town im writing my letters now and i know when where and how i hope i really do because it would be a regret if i dont again they say life gets better but it always gets wrost .. " x/3
"I can’t b r e a t h e. I don’t want to. I don’t understand: what did I do to everyone to make them resent me so much? I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, if I did. I just want to know w h y everyone hates me. I guess it’s just because I’m here in general. It’s not my fault I was born. It’s not my fault I loved him. It’s not my fault that he left me. It’s not my fault that my friends forgot about me. It’s not my fault. He left me a year and four months ago. Almost a fucking year and a half. I’m not even strong enough to let go. He doesn’t love me. He didn’t love me, even when he said he did. I still think about him e v e r y f u c k i n g d a y. for a god damn year and a half. Why does everyone leave? What did I do wrong? I’m tired of always blaming myself for everything. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I realized that it’s not my fault. It’s everyone else’s fault. It’s their fault that I hurt so badly. It’s their fault that I’m alone. It’s their fault that I have to put on a smile and lie every day. It’s their fault I can’t just end myself. End my pain. End my loneliness. Why can’t they let me? P l e a s e. just let me die. I am so sick of this world. There’s nothing worth living for here. So why don’t they let me? They just want me to hurt more I guess. Wow, I didn’t know they hated me THAT much that they can’t even let me die. The just want me to suffer. I’m tired of sobbing silently; without anyone knowing. I’m tired of keeping my pain all to myself. B u t, no one wants to be a burden. I don’t want anyone to go through what I go through. To feel what I feel. No matter how much I hate them. That’s why I don’t just end myself. I try to hold on for my family, whether they want me to or not. My dad killed himself. The year that he did, I started getting suicidal as well. No one knew about him & no one knows about me. So, you know that theory about how energy never dies but it just goes on from one form to another? [like when an animal eats a dead one and gets energy from it?]. well, what if the same thing happens to emotions? What if when you die, your emotions or energy goes to someone else? What if because my dad killed himself, his energy didn’t die: it just went to me? Oh, god. I sound like a lunatic. Well, I kind of am one. I’m high as hell and depressed as fuck. This should be fun.. (:" x/3
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